Archive for the ‘Maledictions’ Category

Presidential Appointees (In No Particular Order)

Jeff Sessions: Looks like Alfred E. Neuman, thinks like John C. Calhoun. Steve Bannon: What stupid people think a smart person ought to sound like. Betsy DeVos: A government-run education system will never be able to produce the amount of ignorance this country needs. Jared Kushner: Once you grab the right one, hang on. Mike […]

Okay. One More and Then We’re Done (I Hope)

Santorum: Any country which can name a nuclear attack submarine the Corpus Christi can probably reconcile itself to the Sanctum Santorum. Non-Catholics, as always, will shake their heads in disbelief, but who cares about them?

Yet Another Republican Alternative

Gingrich: Dorian Gray.

The Republican Alternatives

Bachmann: Why can’t somebody as ignorant as me make a good President? Think about it. Perry: I’ve always liked tearing the wings off flies, and setting fire to cats. I’m exactly what America needs right now. Romney: I only used to be somebody. Now I’m just like you, so it’s okay to go ahead and vote […]

Mortem Confundit Magus*

Businessmen say going forward instead of in the future. Our Secretary of State says that Muammar al-Qaddafi must acknowledge what the International Community requires of him. A respected liberal economist, defending the necessity of nuclear power plants, remarks that it’s unlikely that the Chernobyl accident produced more than 50,000 excess deaths world-wide. He seems to take […]

Saved from the American Conflagration

To be placed in a shrine impervious to Russell Pearce and his bilious followers…. The Declaration of Independence Except for the abused people referred to as …inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian Savages…, and the people transported here against their will from their homes in Africa, and kept in cruel and abject bondage for […]

ACORN and the Roman Church: A Sermon on Hypocrisy

In honor of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., on the 42nd anniversary of his assassination This is a tough subject for an Easter morning, even if you aren’t religious. It isn’t that people haven’t done a lot of thinking about our unfortunate double standards, they have. It’s just that — to me at least — […]

I Didn’t Vote for Binyamin Netanyahu

We — and the world — now have Israel’s answer to President Obama’s June 4th address in Cairo. Yesterday, November 3rd, 2009, the U.S. House of Representatives passed the non-binding resolution shown below. The vote was 344 Aye, 36 Nay, 22 Present, and 30 Not Voting. (For those who would like to see it, the […]

Rush Limbaugh Eaten by Feral Children

If a just and merciful God actually ruled our modest corner of the universe, this might well be the last headline in the last newspaper before the world’s presses are shut down forever. The justice of it is obvious. Having devoted the last twenty years of his pitiful life to a self-indulgent campaign against the […]

Misanthropology

How does a snarling misanthrope like Dick Cheney or William Bennett manage to convince himself and others that he’s a man of virtue? It’s easier to understand with Cheney than it is with Bennett. After all, this was a man with genuine power over others. He could have had you drowned 83 times a month, […]