Real Men™ shouldn’t need to:
1. Call themselves boys, even if they have fond memories of once having been one.
2. Take steroids, or cultivate patriarchal beards.
3. Own bulletproof vests or camouflage-patterned caps, hats, jackets, shirts, cargo pants, underwear, jock straps or socks.
4. Store 10,000 rounds of ammunition and a crate of hand grenades in their garages.
5. Buy or carry any device or appurtenance labeled tactical, including knives, flashlights, dog-tag holders, hip flasks, and roach clips.
6. Wear machine guns in public the way Donald Trump wears a tie.
7. Strike Rambo poses in front of fifty American flags.
8. Decorate themselves or any of their possessions, especially trucks, with Confederate battle flags, swastikas, or Nazi slogans.
9. Mistake mobs of vicious degenerates for patriots.
10. Bully their wives and beat their children (or vice-versa, or both.)
11. Go home at night and lick their AR-15s.
After being lost in the fog like Brigadoon for more than a month, Dogtown is back. The story is an all-too common one, I’m afraid. In order to resolve some nasty response-time issues, Dogtown’s host, GoDaddy, offered to move everything to a more capable server. When they did, things broke, which gave me the opportunity to learn more about WordPress and MySQL database management than I ever wanted to know.
Thanks to some excellent advice from GoDaddy technical support, though, and the moral support of more savvy friends, it all seems to have come right in the end, and the place is functional again. Apologies to anyone who visited during the dark time — unfettered access to everyone all the time is the intended policy here. Really.
Now, then…what exactly was I doing before the lights went out? There ought to be some half-completed drafts lying around here somewhere….
To all of you delightfully available young ladies of Kiev, and your clever Internet pimps:
If you’re willing to meet my price, I’ll be happy to set up a little sidebar where you can display your irresistible charms without the slightest hindrance, a kind of Dogtown Reeperbahn all your own.
Otherwise, please note that this is a small blog, without so much traffic that I can’t afford to see and delete your sneaky little contributions within minutes of their arrival. Unless I happen to be asleep, of course, in which case my readers can leaven their more pressing concerns with a modest giggle until I finish my coffee the following morning.