Weasels, Chickenshits, and Assholes

To Speak Plainly:

William Timberman4 Comments

This document could have been published by the German Nazi Party of 1933. It betrays our democratic constitutional order, threatens our most reliable allies, and makes white supremacy the cornerstone of our future foreign policy, It is nothing less than a blueprint for the creation of a fascist international. Every citizen of the United States who values the democratic traditions of this country should renounce both it and the filth it represents, shun the people who dared to write it, and drive them all from office.

Unbidden Bits—December 9, 2025

William TimbermanLeave a comment

The US Supreme Court majority, in an excess of misbegotten sanctimony, seems determined to turn our entire government over to a coprophile-in-chief and his legion of wannabe Nazi camp followers. Decent people, however, look forward to the day when all six of these black-robed poseurs find themselves plunked down next to the Trumps, the Vances, the Millers, et al., in the prisoners’ dock of a long overdue re-run of the Nuremberg Trials.

Deus vult, it turns out, doesn’t especially care who does the invoking, as long as its divine need for victims is respected.

Rum, Buggery, and the Lash

William Timberman

Judging by his extended prance before the nation’s grand assembly of military poobahs this past Tuesday, Secretary of Cosplay Hegseth seems to have decided that Britain’s 18th century royal navy had developed almost the perfect formula for military effectiveness.

He did, however, trim the original just enough to take all the fun out of it. This may have seemed a bit weird for someone reputed to be both a drunk and a misogynist, but it was perfectly in tune with the Trump administration’s oft expressed infatuation with ignorant belligerence. Oorah! Semper Fi!

Unbidden Bits—September 9, 2025

William Timberman

Does Stephen Miller really not realize that in painting targets on all our backs, he’s also painted one on his own? I can’t imagine being thrilled at the moral certainty that millions of people are wanting me dead. Despite all Miller’s public bravado, I have no idea how he can either.

I suppose sadomasochism has its own logic. I’m grateful I’ve never felt the urge find out how that logic works.

Trumpism’s Unspoken Antecedents

William Timberman2 Comments

Joachim von Ribbentrop for foreign policy
The East India Company for economic policy
Joseph Stalin for scientific policy
The Taliban for social policy
The Spanish Inquisition for jurisprudence
Louis XIV of France for taxation
The Eastern Roman Empire for internal staffing and administration

Memento Mori

William Timberman

Dear Sir,

You’ll be dead soon. What’ll be the use of all that power and money then?

Will it establish and preserve a legacy? I doubt it—ambitious people will come from near and far to piss on a tyrant’s legacy as well as on his grave. Pigeons will shit on his statues, and the funding he leaves behind to have them cleaned will be reinvested in bitcoin by his heirs.

Will it found a dynasty? Carefully managed, it might, but your sons are morons, and despite what you say in public, we know you find them weak and contemptible—imperfect copies of a perfect original. The less said about your daughters the better. They’re old enough now to be as uninteresting and as greedy as your current and former wives, but not as submissive, at least not to you, now you’ve married them off to potential rivals. I mean, really, what point is there in funding the rise of someone else’s dynasty?

I know Janis Joplin once told us to get it while we can, but she was talking about love, not a commodity you’ve ever had much use for, then or now. Let that be your last thought on your way out of here: when the getting was good, you were busy getting the wrong things, and now you’re out of time.